Just to clarify things a little (and I mean a little), I need to make up my mind about just what I'm going to do about some of the rumours flying round my school about me. Whether I should make them into something more than just rumours, ignore them, confirm them, deny them or whatever. Unusually, some of the rumours flying round are actually true. It's a second!
Not quite a first, a few people managed to get a rumour up and going at my old school for about 3 months that was right.
It's really hard to talk about things like this without going into specifics, which I don't dare do for fear of someone from my school reading this and then managing to actually draw the proper conclusion out of it before I'm entirely ready for a conclusion to be drawn. The sentence does make sense. Honest!
Just a few of the questions running through my head at the moment are ones like: -
- Is [insert rumour here] true?
- Do I think that others believe that rumour is true?
- What the hell is going through my mind?
- Do I actually, when I get down to it, think that the rumour is true?
My problem comes, as I would imagine it does with many teenage boys, from not knowing what I want. For some boys it's simple. It's a matter of "thing sticking out at waist level is interested... I want!" For those that actually value a little more than just looks it's harder. I don't know what I want, so should I just forget the whole thing? I tried this, but it doesn't work. As soon as I start trying not to think, I do start thinking. And it just throws me further into confusion.
What do you do when head says it doesn't know what to do, but everything else says do something? Do you do what you've always done before and trust in the brain to get round to making up a decision or do you trust in what you think you want? It's confusing, and even writing about it muddies the waters.
Admittedly, it could be argued that simply by writing about it I'm admitting that at least one of the rumours is true. But with about 10 rumours flying, that's not exactly a problem. Just means that no more will get created by anyone that reads this. I'm guessing that as of the moment I actually start saying anything interesting on this, my good friend Stephanie (or Steph as she likes to be called) will immediately get half a dozen other people from my school to read it and my blog will soar in popularity and number of hits. The idea of simply telling the truth, however, never really appealed.
The truth may seem like a good idea, but I've yet to find a point at which the truth didn't (eventually) hurt all the parties involved in one way or another.
To get off of the topic, before I say anything too revealing (I have already said many revealing things on this blog, you just have to think like someone that uses irony, cynicism, sarcasm, jokes and anything else that comes to mind. Whilst eating haribos. Haribos help) I'm going to complain again.
Yesterday I had self-defence class. As part of my sport as a 15-yr old, my school has decided that self-defence is useful. I have it between 1 and 3 times every two weeks, meaning that anywhere up to 3 hours is spent on it. I have two possible mixed groups that do it occasionally, and one definite boys-only group that does it every other week on a Friday. And it's that lesson which always makes me pull a muscle, or end up with bruises, or other similar aches and pains.
We learnt how to fall. As you land you make sure that your arms hit the ground simultaneously and if you fall backwards or sideways you make sure that your back hits at the same time as your arms. In all situations you keep your head off of the ground through the use of neck muscles. And it's these which hurt. I can't move my neck that much without it hurting (not that I don't move it, just that it hurts TO move it) and it is making me feel even worse than I would with just the situation above.
I nearly put "and it's making me feel even worse than I normally would with just the situation above" but it's only ever happened twice to me. This set of rumours seems fairly well established though. Makes me wonder if my current school believes everything that everyone says. I mean... I hear one rumour once or twice and suddenly people are swearing it's the gospel truth... like some of the ones about me and various girls, from the one which is true to the 6 or 7 that aren't.
I be narrowing this down so much.. must be careful and not reveal too much that plausible deniability is impossible.
Anyway, I can be fairly sure that if anyone now pushes me over then the total hurt that I would suffer to my back will now be shared equally with my arms so that they don't miss out. Falling forwards is so much easier... you don't have to hit the ground with your back. You just have to make sure that your lower arm is straight and your palms are facing downwards and that the entireity of the lower arm is hitting the ground at the same time. Child's play!
Well okay, maybe not. Child's play is quite difficult unless you keep practising it over and over again.
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