10th November: Why are all my titles not that interesting?

I have this problem. I'm running out of titles.

However, it's besides the point, I'm sure that someone, somewhere, will suddenly inspire me and provide me with a week's worth of titles. Probably on the week when I don't actually write anything but at least they'll have TRIED to inspire me slightly.

I got irritated earlier today on the bus. I got some random little kid (about 2 or 3 years younger than me) say, 'Oooh. You fancy Heidi!' I think that it's such a stupid misunderstanding that I have to correct it. It's like bus numbers (which really irritate me, I'll explain in a minute) which have to be said the right way else they get on my nerves like that irritating song doesn't. I mean... Heidi's the only person I've ever heard refferred to as an emo/goth/chav in the same sentence, and I thought that those three were mutually exclusive!

She denies all three. I won't argue, and I won't speculate on what she is. I do value the shattered fragments of existantial possibility that I like to call my life.

Anyway, this little boy person thingy said that I must fancy Heidi because - of all things - I talk to her. Oooh.. isn't that like.. really unusual? I mean.. seriously... a boy talking to a girl? Oh my! That must break some law or something right? Come on.. get real! If every girl I talked to was one that I fancied I'd be some sort of normal teenage male that fell in and out of love 20 times a day (I probably talk to 20 girls a day. Is a fairly good guess, but it's most probably wrong.) I'm not normal! Just because I talk to someone doesn't mean I fancy them.

And then, of all things, they accused me of blushing. I wasn't embarressed (why would I be), I was just getting irritated at the suggestion. I don't normally get irritated at suggestions like that, but that one got on my nerves for the simple reason that I can't conceive of any possible reason why I WOULD fancy Heidi. And I'd also had a fairly bad day anyway and had to be polite to a bunch of teachers, which is always irritating. Teachers, especially female ones, feel the need to console me on my loss.

I think that the best consolation I've had so far was from one of the vicars at the funeral on thursday, who didn't do anything but shake my hand and then walk off. You don't need to say something, you just need to make it known that you exist. That I'm not some lonely bugger that is all depressed by my lonesome without anyone else to share my loss but my family. Do family count as someone?

Maybe your family does, but I'm not entirely sure that my 'siblings' are human. Anything that irritating must have identity crises and wonder just what species they are. Frequently. I don't dare ask though. They're fairly violent as well.

Why are all girls violent around me? I don't get it. It's unfair victimisation of me, and I don't see why I'm the instant punch bag. I presume there is, however, a reason. I'll think about it for a bit.

I nearly decided to go back on topic and tell you all who I DO love, but then it'd ruin the perpetual moment of you wondering and making up amusing and occasionally irritating rumours about me and people that have ducks hanging on straps off of their bags and me and people I talk to. I do normally find it amusing though, don't worry too much.

The other thing that irritated me recently was when someone refused to talk to me about something because 'I wouldn't understand.' I wouldn't understand what? Your emotional status? I'm not mentioning names, I'll respect people's privacy and their right not to be named on this blog if I think they wouldn't particulary want to be, but people that say something like that are nearly as bad as people that make up rumors so stupid that they irritate me slightly.

Okay, they aren't anywhere near as bad, as most people that get into that situation are friends - of a sort. I'm going to be killed by this person aren't I? Maybe this explains why I'm the instant punchbag for everyone and everything! I irritate them, or say things which could possibly be misinterpreted in the correct way (and occasionally the wrong way as well). That's enough on that though. I'll try to get myself back onto topic for more than just a few lines.

So what am I going to not understand? People of all ages and genders tend to forget that I've spent the last 3 years of my life watching the world pass by and thinking about what the world is doing. Sure, experience may be useful, but experience without knowledge is totally useless. You can be the best person on the planet by experience and then be kicked out by a graduate that spent 4 years learning how to do your job three times as well in half the time for the same pay. Anyway, watching the world go by has given me some useful insights.

Do you know that if you stand in one place for long enough, no matter where it is, or how you are standing, given enough time absolutely no one notices you? Do you know that if you wear bright orange clothing you attract attention from nearly everyone? Do you know that carrying your wallet in the front pocket of a hoodie, or in the back pocket of a pair of jeans, is basically waving a sign saying 'I have money, come and rob me!' in the air to any potentialler pickpocketers? Do you know that the vast majority of humankind doesn't think before they say innocent things like 'You don't understand' or 'What?' and therefore could just be ignored if it didn't mean not having anyone to have a conversation with?

So what with all this nearly totally useless knowledge stored away in various parts of my brain I'll give a totally cynical point of view that instead of giving anyone an answer to anything - excepting questions which do have a definite answer - will just, for instance, tell you about three other options which you'd never thought of even being possible, point you towards things to look out for to support varying options, give a basic prediction of what will happen based on my knowledge of the people involved and occasionally provide some useful advice.

I'd give a case study, but without falling back onto ones that I've covered already, or mentioning names it's a little hard and I can't be bothered to make one up at this time of tommorrow morning (it now being one minute past minight at the time of writing this sentence.)

If nothing else, and although this is totally cliche and overused, talking about something helps. Not always, but when it's a matter of head trying to work out heart it can work. Problems which have become overcomplicated inside of your head can become nothing more than a few sentence on paper, or maybe a page or so or even a full size essay or blog. It simplifies it all.

I do it. I'll freely admit to writing two blogs when needed. One, like this one, to be released to the Joe Public and any other random bugger that decides that wasting 6 hours of their life reading through 200 pages of pointless teenage rambling might be fun. The other one to talk about things that are bothering me, just to get them off of my chest and into a line of 0s and 1s. I lack the distancing that I once had to seperate emotions and self.

I blame you Dani! You set me off on the rickety path of admitting emotions in August and where did it lead? Huh.. I don't know. Girls... always confusing me.

Not just me actually. It's like.. every teenage boy is confused about teenage girls. I don't know if teenage girls are similary confused by teenage boys, but having watched just about everyone, excepting a few - like Charlotte and Jack - who have already gone through matchmaking once or twice and finally found some way of sticking together. Are you up to 3 months yet? 4? 5? Charlotte keeps a count somewhere I believe, it seems that all teenage people, irrelevant of sex, are confused by whoever they have a crush on.

I'd forgotten just how much implication people attach to every action and move of the person that they have some mad crush on until earlier, when I was talking to someone that I'm guessing the vast majority of my readers (all 11 of you now.. it's gone up!) won't know, when they were talking about one small action which they wanted interpreting. Of course, they asked me what I would have done in the hypothetical situation of being that particular boy (they were a girl... narrows it down slightly, but there's still about 3 billion people on this planet it could be) with a crush on them.

Would I have acted as that particular boy did? Could I guess what that particular boy was thinking when he did it? Was there any intention, subconscious or conscious, behind the action? Was there this.. was there that... and so on. Not that I was at a loss for what to say, I knew what I had to say. It was just phrasing it the right way so as not to accidentally imply the wrong thing. I've done THAT before. I do it all the time.

And anyone with a dirty mind could probably go through this blog and get all excited by all sorts of phrases and wonder if I'm actually some dirty pervert that does it on purpose to overexcite them so that they can run off and... do whatever it is so that they aren't all excited by it any more.

I won't speculate. Not my place, not in public. I'll leave it to your imaginations.

You can probably come up with something alot better than I could ever say.Your own imagination provides much of what I don't write. I don't know what I'd do if I had to write out every single implication. I'd get all embarressed and flustered! Maybe. Although most probably not, as I'm fairly mature about that sort of thing.

This is where I really need a 'squirm mode' like Lister has in Red Dwarf.

Yeah.. I like Red Dwarf. What of it? Go away and find someone else to bother if you don't like Red Dwarf and your name isn't Charlotte, Dani or Grace. Those three aren't allowed to run away. Or fail tests. It's not done! Got that? Good!

I don't know how I'm going to stop you from failing tests or running away though. My plan hasn't quite got that far yet.... I suppose I could always move Jack's computer a little more towards where most sensible people in this area live, so that Charlotte feels the need to stay in the area, so that Grace and Dani don't go and run away or whatnot.

Just got to work out how to move a house that probably weighs a few tonnes WITHOUT Jack inside a few miles down the road now.

I knew there'd be a problem in this plan! There's always one. It's generally an emotional or confidence-related problem though. Not a logistical one.

Maybe if I hired a cargo helicopter I could get this plan to work?


You know, I said, all the way at the beginning of this that I'd explain my hatred for those people that get bus numbers wrong and just how you do get bus numbers wrong.

So all of you can just wait until tommorrow!

I'm going to get some sleep. Someone wished me sweet dreams.

I'm hoping I get them too.

Not in any perverted way though!